Worlds Turned Upside Down
by KaoruisMyname
Summary: When Kaoru suddenly changed his ways and turned out to be mean, Hikaru didn't know how to get along with him anymore.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Kaoru's POV

It started when Hikaru begun to like a commoner, and proved his openness in boy to boy love. I made up my mind that my brother was really weak that he even gave in to someone like a guy named, damn, Tamaki. Pft, of course it wasn't okay for me to let him just wake up every morning having those eye bags due to texting all night.

And one more thing, I didn't like the idea that they usually talk on the phone like a couple having a night out in a motel. Okay, I'm not really over reacting, am I? But I'm just concerned to my brother's health. Not that I should be more aware that they are actually in relationship. Yeah, I don't care! I'm not jealous at all, and I don't know why.

I opened the book I just borrowed from Renge. These past few days, I concentrated much in reading as my past time. It's really unusual for my type to read this kinda book but, I'm just so bored. Since Hikaru had to go out on a date with Tono after classes.

I kept myself silent until my phone vibrated between my thighs that made me jump off the bed. Hikaru sent me a message. "Bro, I'll be coming home late tonight. Take care," he said. I sighed.

"Always," I said turning the pages of the book.

Then my phone vibrated in my fist. I almost dropped it. Haruhi was calling.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey Kaoru, can you get out of your room and open your damn gate? Coz I've been here for more than half an hour," she said angrily.

"Aren't there any security guards or maids?" I asked questionably.

"Ah, if there was, then I'd already be inside," she answered sarcastically.

"Okay, I'll be there in a minute," I said gentlemanly.

I ended the call and went down to look for maids and at the same time open the gate for Haruhi. Still, I wondered why there wasn't any single guard or maid inside. Maybe they were just busy.

I went outside but there was already a guard opening the gate. Ah! My effort. And then she rushed to me, carrying those heavy books. Ah, like why she is here with those block-like books?

"What?" I asked.

"Is that the nicest thing to say to greet a girl, carrying these thick books?" she said again sarcastically.

"Ah, sorry. Let me help you little missy," I said nicely.

I carried out the heavy books- oh wait, the heaviest books on earth till we reach my room- well my room with my brother. I dropped it on the study table. I offered Haruhi a seat.

"Why are you here with these kinds of alien things?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes. "We have to study, right?" she answered.

My eyes grew big as I heard her answer. Like what exactly were we supposed to do? Study? She must be kidding. "HUH?" I said confusingly. A big question mark was painted on my face.

"Your brother called up. He said you needed someone to teach you math. So I volunteered myself to help you. Besides, you wouldn't mind if I were your tutor, right?" she said.

And my confusion faded. But I didn't tell Hikaru I needed a private tutor? Ah, there's something fishy about this. "He called up to tell you I need someone to help me in math," I repeated.

She nodded. "Yeah."

I sighed, and leaned on the wall. "Tch, I didn't tell him anything about needing someone as tutor. And I didn't need a tutor. Maybe he just said that to cover up."

"Cover up what?" she asked confusingly.

I looked at her earnestly. "You see, I know you are aware that he is committed to Tamaki. And since then he had no time for me anymore. Maybe he finds time, but still it isn't enough. He covers up his lost time for me by making up some things like this. Like this, exactly. Telling you I needed a tutor but actually he wants to say I need someone to talk to. And I hate it when he does that. Like I can't go on my own," I said emotionally.

Haruhi was quite shocked to what I said. She remained silent for a while. She looked at me with the same expression I have. "Do you think he forgets you?" she asked. I looked away. Of course I think about it all the time. Though I know he doesn't forget me exactly. But the more that I think about him not forgetting me; the more that it appears in my mind that he already forgot me.

I shook my head. I lied.

"Then why do you hate it when he sends someone for you to talk to?" she asked. That was it.

"Coz if he really cares, he should be the one to be doing this with me," I said, still not looking.

Haruhi turned my body so that I'd face her. But I looked below. "What?" I asked.

"You know what, you've changed. You're not the usual Kaoru who agrees in every decision Hikaru makes. You're actually asking for reasons now. Congratulations," she said smilingly.

I smiled a bit, showing gratitude. Yeah, I'm actually asking for reasons now! Reasons why he has to give me someone else to converse if he can do it himself! "Yeah, I noticed," I agreed.

"Well, so you still want me to be your tutor?" she asked with a smile.

I looked at her and I felt smiling back. "Do you want to be?" I asked.

She nodded in excitement. She really wants to help. And that's so thoughtful. We talked a lot about other things beside the issue about me changing or the one with Hikaru. I enjoyed her company. I didn't need anyone that time but, she was already there with me. And I'm pretty much sure I wouldn't be this happy if it wasn't because of her.

Late 9 o'clock PM, she decided to go home. I told the driver to take her to her address safely.

"Kaoru, remember I'll always be here for you," she bid good bye.

I smiled and waved my hand. So there is still someone out there making me feel great. And that is so making me feel relaxed. I went back to my room when I heard a car hornying outside the gate.

Hikaru is home.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Kaoru's POV

"Hi Kaoru!" he greeted me nicely.

I dropped my book and sighed. "Hi Hikaru."

It seems so stupid to act obviously that I'm so pissed off by him and that guy. I never tried to meet his eyes. Coz if I did he'll notice my madness. He smiled at me and went to the bathroom to take a shower maybe. It was too late for a high school guy come home at night. But I got my book again and continued reading. Ugh, so irritating to see such a guy who is actually your brother getting along with the person you superbly hate.

He went out wet. Of course he had to dry up first so he went straight to my side, only wearing a piece of towel on his lower body. So what's the story today?

"Did Haruhi come here to teach you math?" he asked.

Okay so maybe this is the best time to confront this guy about his doing. But I'm not yet a fully changed Kaoru. I still don't have the guts to confront anyone.

"Yeah, why?" I answered, not even looking at him.

"Did you learn from her?"

"I did."

"Will you look at me," he forcedly pulled me to look at him. But I looked down.

"What?" I asked irritatingly.

"What's the matter? Are giving in already that's why you can't see me wearing only a piece of this?" he asked teasingly.

Oh please Hikaru, don't use your charms on me coz they don't work anymore. I looked at him straightly. He smiled. Damn, this guy had a great night with Tono. His smile was explainable. He wasn't happy to see me. He was happy because Tono and he had a romantic scene somewhere over the rainbow.

"No."

I rejected him immediately and went back to reading. He pouted cutely. See, when madness reigns in your heart you can never feel any other emotions than that. That's what I had.

"Look Hikaru, I know you are tired. So why don't you just take a rest. Don't text anymore. You had the night. That was enough. I want to go to school tomorrow as early as possible. And I don't like waiting," I commanded, not looking at what might be his reaction.

He stood up and went to get some clothes. I can feel the disappointment in his expression. Damn, I was so mean I acted more than how he gets mean. I felt proud. But on the other side, I felt pity.

Coz I know he wants to make up but I didn't. It's a waste of time doing it I suppose. He went to bed and so I did. But I gapped a bit to lessen the awkward feeling. The feeling I'm telling is that I can't stand him touching my skin after he did with Tono. Tch, I'm still too sensitive.

Morning, I woke up hugging my pillow and facing him and him facing me too. I stood up immediately. "Hikaru, wake up now."

He groaned and stretched a bit and opened his eyes. "Okay."

I went immediately in the bathroom to take a shower. I can hear him talking with someone. Well maybe Tono. I went out only wearing a piece of towel wrapped around my waist and another towel to dry my hair. He dropped his phone as soon as he saw me.

"You, done?" he asked innocently.

I nodded and opened the closet. He went to the bathroom. Ugh, it's the beginning of the day and yet he manages to call up that bastard. Like hello, it's too early to start a new flirtation. I had my clothes and I put it on. I went downstairs and had my breakfast alone. Mom went out for a business trip and dad- I don't know maybe out to see some investors.

"A cup of tea, young master?" the maid asked politely.

I shook my head. I didn't like tea. It makes me looks like an old man. I heard heavy footsteps along the stairs. Hikaru might've thought I already left or whatever, it was still early.

"What are you rushing for?" I asked.

He inhaled and exhaled swiftly. "I'm late," he answered.

I raised one eyebrow. What does he mean? This is not the usual time that he goes to school. It's even too early for me to go too. "Huh? It's too early," I questioned.

He sat down and faced me. "What time is it?" he asked.

"Ah, 6:30?" I answered rudely.

He calmed down as soon as he heard my answer. "Eat your breakfast now," I said.

When he was finally done to his food, we went to take a ride in the limo. I looked through the window. The weather is good. I hope my day will be as good as I started it. I looked at him from the corner of my eye, he is busy texting. Tch, again it's still morning to start a new flirtation.

W e reached the school; I went out first then him. Tono was already waiting inside. I saw him carrying some books. As I walked past him, I didn't give any look to him. But he greeted me.

"Good morning, Kaoru."

And then Hikaru went immediately to him. And I still hear them talk though I'm a bit far from them.

"Hi Hikaru," said Tono.

"Tamaki, do you have to carry these things to come here in school?" Hikaru said.

He never called him Tono since they started their love story. And that gives me creeps. I never expected them to end up with this kind of situation. They are too slow to realize their true feelings but they easily got it when they confronted each other about it.

Oh man, it still hurts when I remember the day when Tono told him he loved him.

Then someone knocked me on my back. "Kaoru!"

I looked behind me and yes it was Haruhi. I smiled at her and helped her carry her things.

"Oh, thank you. So this is what you get when you are alone?" she teased me.

I just smiled and continued walking. Her presence was enough to complete my day. We went to our classroom together, talking about the silliest things we've done with the host club. But I went silent for a while. The host club. It was still great not until the two decided to be together.

"You okay?" she asked.

I nodded. I lied again. But she seems to know my real emotions.

"It's going to be okay. You'll get used to it. You just don't know, there are more surprises on store for you," she convinced me. Yes, maybe there are still better things that wait ahead of me.

I sat down and waited until or teacher comes. I heard Hikaru laughing along the wide corridors. I looked through the window again. The sun is being covered by the clouds. The weather is changing as well as my mood.

"Kaoru!" I heard someone call me. I looked behind, it was Haruhi. She showed me Hikaru and Tono about to kiss. I felt sudden anger.

"HEY!" I shouted.

And the two looked at my direction. "Haruhi, stop playing with my hair!" I alibied.

"Okay fine," Haruhi played along.

The two looked at us confusingly until they turned their backs and Hikaru bid good bye to Tono and Haruhi and I high-fived and laughed quietly.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Kaoru's POV

Lunch. I didn't need to go home to eat some food. I kinda asked Haruhi to join me at the school cafeteria. And she agreed to me. Then Hikaru seemed to have heard our conversation.

"You're not coming home?" he asked.

I shook my head and bellowed my head to pretend reading my book. But then he lifted up my chin to face him. "Why?" he asked again.

"Coz I'm not sure if you will also go home for lunch. Maybe you will go out with Tono again. I know you always find time to be together," I answered straightly. He sighed.

Again maybe he wanted to eat lunch with me. But I really want to avoid being with him from now own. Coz every time he tries to stay up with me, in the end it will never happen.

"Okay," he left.

I noticed myself being pulled by a strong rope away from him. Our world was destroyed. It wasn't exclusively for us anymore. I thought Haruhi was enough to enter our world but he let another one to interfere. And that is the reason why it is gone. Now he already has a new world with Tono. And me, I'm still building up my new world, my world alone.

"Come on Kaoru!" I heard Haruhi calling me from my side. I noticed Hikaru was not in the room anymore. Maybe he went to check Tono in his classroom.

Cafeteria. I can hear the murmurs of the girls around me. They are talking about my brother and Tono. I feel a bit embarrassed but I thought I shouldn't be anyway. Then I heard a couple of girls talking about me and Haruhi. These people are so damn they make me burst.

I turned to look at them to let them know I can hear them speaking. And they stopped. And they looked at me frightened.

"Why does these people have to talk about other people?" I asked Haruhi.

She smiled. Well she smiles a lot. "I don't know. Maybe it is what they call their own aim in life: to talk about other people."

I laughed a bit. Though I know it wasn't really funny but it was kind of interesting. Then I heard another murmur. "Look at Tamaki-senpai and Hikaru," someone said. I turned to look at the direction people were looking. And there they were, laughing together as if everything seemed to be so funny.

I looked away. Why can't I get over to the fact that they are together? Tch, I just gotta pretend like I don't care anyway. Besides, Haruhi is on my side. And I feel pretty much secured when I'm with her.

"What will you eat?" Haruhi asked.

"Uhm, will you buy too?" I asked her.

"I have my bento here. I'll just give you company," she answered.

"Can I just have a share with your bento?" I asked sweetly.

"Uhm, okay. Good I cooked a lot last morning," she agreed.

We went to find a seat. There was an empty table near the window. We sat. Haruhi tried to divide the food she had. I looked out through the window. The sun was out again. And my mood became good again. I felt okay.

"Can we join?" someone asked. I turned to look. It was Hikaru and Tamaki. I nodded. I saw Haruhi looked at me strangely. I looked at her with a expression just-let-me-do-this.

"So what do you have for lunch, Kaoru?" Tamaki asked with a smile.

I didn't look at him, coz if I did I'd totally get the chopstick to hit his eyes. That's the level of my hatred to him. If I can, I'd rather transfer to another school just to avoid these two. And now I even agreed to them to have lunch with us.

"I'm not hungry," I answered. And Haruhi elbowed me. Tch, I hate pretending like its okay for them to be here.

"Oh, then why are you here then? The cafeteria is a place for eating," he asked again.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, for eating; not for dating," I said and stood up.

I walked away. That's what I'm good at: walking away in times of confrontation.

"KAORU!" I know who owned that voice. It was Hikaru's. But I never looked back to stop and ask why. My anger filled my heart so I have to control my raging temper. I went straight to the library. I met Renge. Oh! I forgot her book!

"Kaoru, are you okay?" she asked. I sat down beside her. It was unusual for me coz whenever me meet, she always asked for her book.

I nodded. I lied again.

"Did something happen?" she asked again.

I shook my head. Coz honestly, nothing really happened. I just made a dramatic exit. Now, I don't know what those three were doing. But I didn't care. All I want to do now is to calm myself. Inhale, exhale.

"Kaoru?" she called for me.

"What?" I asked.

"You mad?" she asked again.

I shook my head. "Just don't mind me okay," I commanded.

And so she returned back to reading. Me, I'm here calming myself quietly. Then I felt sudden relaxation when I felt Renge's hand patted me in my back. "Thank you."

"You sure nothing's wrong?" she asked again. I nodded and smiled. I can't believe I even felt better with just her pat. "Ah, I'm still in chapter three in your book. I think I will return it on- I don't know," I joked and laughed.

She rolled her eyes but smiled at me in the end. "Yes, it's okay."

After school, I went straight at home. But then, "KAORU!"

Haruhi rushed to come to me. "You like to go home now?" she asked.

I looked at her emotionlessly. "What do you think?" I said.

She rolled her eyes. "Do you want to see Tamaki and Hikaru in your house together? I mean they planned to go there to apologize to whatever they did last lunch," she explained.

"Can we go to your house?" I asked. Coz I didn't want to see them, especially that guy.

"Huh, what?" she didn't get what I meant.

"I don't want to see them, that's why I'm asking if it's fine to go your place," I said half mad.

"Uhm, dad's home; he might get mad when he see's you. Coz he prohibited me from going home with guys since he saw me with Tamaki before," she explained.

I sighed. Then I just have to head home. I walked away. "Bye."

I reached home. I expected them to be waiting for me in the living room but there was no sign of them. I reached the room and yet there was no Hikaru or Tamaki to see until I saw a note, pasted on my study table. "We can't wait for you anymore so we went to Tamaki's place. I'll be late again. Good night brother," it said.

"Yeah, whatever. I don't care at all," I said insultingly. I changed my uniform and wore only boxer shorts. I went to bed and started reading Renge's book. I realized something, now that Hikaru is always far from me; I know it made me a better individual. I smiled. I'm okay. And he too is. So it's just fair.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Kaoru's POV

I heard some footsteps along the corridors outside our room. Maybe his gone home, but it's too early. I ignored it, then another footstep. Er, these maids are disturbing me. Then someone knocked the door. I stared at the door. "Who's there?" I asked.

"Kao-chan!" I heard the person answer. It can't be- oh gosh.

I stood up to open the door and check out who's out there. And as I opened it, "KAORU!"

Okay, don't tell me Hikaru asked them to accompany me tonight. "Hunny-senpai? Mori-senpai?" I asked confusingly. I stared at them like they were other people in my life. Oh come on, believe me I never had any good vibes with these two ever since.

"Neh Kao-chan. Sorry we had to struggle from seeking your room here upstairs. The maids seemed to be so busy in the kitchen so we just volunteered to com upstairs to reach you. Right Takashi?" Hunny-senpai explained. That lessens my confusion.

"Why are you here? And you need to come up looking for my room," I asked rudely.

They looked at each other. "Hikaru called up. He said you wanted to learn Judo. So we are the only people I know who is close to you know that so we came here to give you some basics," said Hunny-senpai once again.

Now I want to learn judo. Poor me, like I want to learn everything in this world by the help of these people. Anyway, I really need someone to talk to right now so I better tell them the truth. "I don't want to learn judo or anything martial art. He just wants you to accompany me tonight because obviously, I'm alone right now," I said.

Hunny-senpai looked at me with pity. This guy has always felt pity for me. "Why?" he asked.

I didn't get his question 'why'. But I kind of get his expression that he wants to know the reason why I need someone to talk to. "I don't know," I answered only and I returned to reading.

I felt Hunny-senpai hold me on my knees. "Kao-chan, you've been alone for several times since Hika-chan dated Tama-chan. How come you did it all before? I mean you survived to loneliness," he questioned. I looked at him. I don't know what exactly am I supposed to answer him but I want to tell him exactly how I feel.

I dropped my book on my side. "You really want to know how I did it all through?" I asked.

The two nodded. "I don't know. Maybe I just thought that Hikaru is happy with that bit- ah Tamaki. So I just I tried to adjust with this whole new world. Well, he hasn't change really. I just avoid him because I want to show him my dislike to their relationship. Yet, he seems not to notice," I explained.

They looked at me confusingly. Yeah, I know I'm the one who's doing this whole thing worse, but I just want them to understand that _I REALLY DON'T LIKE IT._

"Why can't you like their relationship?" asked Mori-senpai who finally got his senses.

I looked at him with my eyebrow raised. "Because, of all people why did he choose Tono? And I thought he will remain my brother forever because that's what he said when we were young. Well, I guess everything changes while we grow up, but I don't think so. I mean, okay, I know I'm wrong but do you know the feeling of like losing someone who is the most important person in your life?" I said emotionally. I asked them that because I know they are like us too _before_.

Hunny-senpai looked at me. "Yes I know. Even just the thought of it makes me sad. But you see Kao-chan you just need to look at the other people in your life. Try to open up to other people. I understand you," he said sincerely.

I smiled a bit. Yeah, I'm trying to open to others and building up new friendships with them. Yet, it's hard to think that I'm also leaving my brother with Tono. But Hunny-senpai is right; Hikaru is not just the person in my world. Mori-senpai tapped me on my back and I smiled at him.

"Well I guess our mission here is over, right Mitsukuni?" said Mori-senpai as he looked at Hunny-senpai. He nodded as an answer. "So you don't really want to learn judo?" asked Hunny-senpai.

I shook my head as I smiled at him. He smiled too. And they decided to go home.

I continued reading until I got to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Kaoru's POV

I woke having this pain on my neck. I felt the bed was hard. But I realized I was already on the floor. I stood up while massaging the painful part on my neck. I glanced at the bed, then "WHAT THE F*CK!" I shouted as I saw Tamaki and Hikaru on the bed. Tamaki got up immediately when he heard me shout as well as Hikaru.

"Kaoru-.." I cut him off because I didn't want to hear a thing from them.

"Okay brother, I know that _guy_ is your boyfriend. And I know you two love each other. But I'm sorry, can you just get your things and get out of here! This is _too_ much! I can't stand it anymore. That's too much hurt! Now just get out!" I commanded.

I know that was too mean for me to do but I kind of hate the fact that they slept together on the bed which was supposed to be a place for me to sleep _too._ And one more thing, _I felt like I got cheated._

"Kaoru, sorry I didn't mean to…. Please…" Hikaru kept begging in front of me but I ignored him. I was trying to hold back my tears but they just seem to want to be shown to Hikaru. So I cried. Tamaki got dressed and went out of the room.

"Don't touch me. I hate you," I said it in his face. I couldn't stop crying.

And I saw him crying too. Maybe he could feel the pain I feel or maybe what I said was just something he couldn't accept.

I went inside the bathroom to avoid him. I sat down on the tiles. I bowed my head. And I realized what I did out there was something that showed my weakness. I love my brother so much I let him go. But what I just saw gave me total hurt in my heart. And I can't accept that.

I got ready for school pretending like nothing happened. I went inside the classroom and saw Haruhi reading her chemistry book. I looked away. Hikaru isn't here yet. I left him with Tamaki talking at home. I didn't care. Now, for sure, I don't _really_ care at all.

I felt someone next to me. It was Haruhi, leaning on my shoulder. "Can you tell me what happened?" she knew it. By just looking at me in the eyes, she knew I was up to something bad.

"Nothing, nothing happened at all," I answered. But my voice sounded so sad.

"It would make you feel better to tell the truth," she convinced me.

I moved to look through the window. "Look at the sky, like it will rain," I said. I hope she got what I meant that I wanted to cry.

"So tell me, I wouldn't laugh at you if you cry," she got it.

"I saw them on the bed last morning, and I can't get over it," I briefly stated.

She looked at me with a what-the-fucking-did-they-do-on-the-bed look. I sighed. Then tears went down my face. She wiped it out. "That's okay. Everything will be fine. Forget all about it," she assumed. I guess she was right. I have to forget about it. But it wasn't that easy.

She planted a kiss on my forehead. I felt better. Yeah, I should forget it now. "Thank you."

Lunch break, I decided to eat in the school cafeteria with Haruhi of course. I tried to look alive despite what happened last morning. I ordered some food and took a seat.

"Hey, can I come?" someone asked me from behind. I turned to look. I smiled, it was Kyouya-senpai. I offered him a seat beside me.

"So, are you going to be okay?" he asked me. Haruhi looked at him with what-are-you-talking-about look. He smiled. "It's better to tell the truth, right?" he said.

Haruhi sighed. Though I didn't get what they meant, I still didn't try to ask what it was all about.

"I know you are quite having difficulty dealing to the fact that your brother is _with_ Tamaki. And I kind of understand you. Because, you know Tamaki is my best friend," he opened up.

I looked at him. There was sadness in his face. "You understand me?" I reassured.

"Yeah, I know how it feels to be left alone. But I tried not to feel loneliness. You know, it's a waste of time. So if I were you, I'd just ignore and try not to look at them. I hate seeing them," he said with a smile.

This guy is doing his _poker face act_ again. "You are right. But how do you do that?" I asked curiously. He smiled at me.

"Simple, don't open your eyes when they pass by," he said simply. I frowned. Like that was easy. But I got it, just _ignore_ them.

I smiled too, I feel a lot better now. Like I want to shout out that I am so okay now! Kyouya-senpai gave me a tap on my back and smiled for the last time.

I gave Haruhi a look. "How did you feel when you knew they were together?" I asked her. I was talking about the two. She bowed her head like what I asked was, "_How can I easily kill you?"_

"Hey, what?" I asked once again. She looked like me when I found out about them. "Like how you feel right then," she answered. I felt a trembling shock in my heart. Like what? Haruhi was feeling the same way I did that time. That's why she knows what to tell me.

"What?" I asked. She looked at me. I tried to look back but her eyes seemed to be sadder than I thought. "Because I felt really sorry for you when I knew about it. It's not like I've an affair to any of them. It is because I thought that your brother wouldn't leave you behind for Tamaki. And I didn't expect them to end up like that," she explained.

I looked away. I knew it. It was all about pity for me. "Don't feel sorry for me. Look, I am fine. I got everything you say, from the very beginning I've always followed _your_ advices," I said.

"Who else knows it?" she asked.

"Almost all of the people in the world," I answered.

She stood up to seat beside me. She let me lean on her shoulder. "You've lend me your shoulder once, its time to payback," she said.

I closed my eyes to take away the pain I feel inside. I was still struggling between pain and happiness. She touched my forehead as if to comfort me.

I went home, feeling better. But then Hikaru welcomed me in the living room. All the pain went back again.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Kaoru's POV

I tried to walk like he didn't exist in my sight but he stopped me by holding me around my wrist. His grip was kind of tight I was a bit hurt. "Ouch," I muttered.

He loosened it. "Kaoru, can I have a minute with you?" he asked.

I never spoke. But he continued talking.

"I know I never had any chance to talk with you about Tamaki, I'm sorry. I don't know how to discuss this with you if you're not talking so please, talk, speak, and make a sound," he said. I never followed him.

He sighed. "Look, if you're mad because you woke up seeing us together on the bed, okay I'm sorry. I got a little dizzy last night. I didn't make it up in the room so he took me there. And…I said he could just sleep here. But I didn't tell him to push you away! I didn't do that either. None of us did," he just explained.

"_Blah, blah, blah."_ I said in my mind. That wasn't the main point. Yeah, I got to admit I'm mad because of last morning. But can't he get the point that their relationship is such a big waste in the society? I mean, I hate the way they bring it up! I want to tell that in his face but I realized it wasn't just time to speak.

"Kaoru, I love you brother. We've grown up together. If I am happy you are happy. You know how much I've taken care of you when we were young. I hope you don't forget," he reminded me.

That was it. I've earned too much courage to shout at my big brother. Now is just the time to do it. I pulled my hand back and I faced him with anger on my face. "Yeah, I don't forget about your greatness. I don't even forget that you took care of me when we were young. You, Hikaru, don't you forget what you promised me _when we were young?_"

He got confused. I'm sure he can't remember his promise. I sighed and looked away. This is such a big stupid darn conversation with my twin brother.

I couldn't wait long enough for his answer. I turned to look at him and said to his face, "You promised me that you will be my brother _forever_! Not that when we grow up you will marry that Tamaki! You meant it forever!"

He shed tears after hearing me shout at him. That was a relief for me because it's just now that I bravely told him my true feelings. "But- didn't I do my role as your brother successfully? Did I lack anything that makes you feel so mad at me? Why can't you just be happy for me? I've given my life to you for like forever. It's just now that I try to give myself my own happiness!" he said to me.

I gritted my teeth. Well so that was it. "So you found true happiness in that guy. What's up with him? What did you find in him that you never had in your life?" I sounded like I was going to insult him with my questions.

But honestly, I wanted to know why he had to take the risk of being Tamaki's boyfriend. He kept silent like he was trying to think of a good answer to my questions. "You know I didn't like him from the very beginning brother. Oops, sorry you never asked. Because as you said, _we never had time to talk about him._"

He looked at me with anger in his face. He got insulted with what I was saying. "He understands me. He told me he'd never leave me aside. No one has ever told me those sweetest words but him," he said. I got confused. Like what? I don't remember me not telling him I'd never leave him! I always said that to him.

"Didn't I say that to you always, when he wasn't with you yet?" I asked. He looked away like he was guilty.

"Yes, you did. But you are not him. The sound of him telling me that was even more sincere," he said. I didn't actually know what he wanted to say but I didn't mind.

"You are a liar. He didn't tell you that. I am the only one who can tell that because no one else can be with you forever. Not him, not anyone but me. You told me that too. That you wouldn't leave me aside; that you wouldn't let anyone come across us and get as apart. I remember that when we were along the seashore when we were kids. Nothing was wrong back then. I believed in you. I hoped as we grew up that you wouldn't do anything that would make me cry or feel sad. Not until you met that guy. You made those promises and yet you are the one to break it," I told him completely.

He just kept quiet. Yes, I sounded completely possessive and selfish but that's how I truly feel right now. I didn't care if he gets mad at me for being too assuming he won't get those stupid promises broken. But at least he could have told me that forever can't be a long time, that way I wouldn't be acting like this anymore. Or he could have told me that some time he would leave me for a reason, that would even be less painful right now- if he told me earlier, but no.

"So, what now? I may be too selfish but sorry, I can't pretend anymore. But, if you are already happy with him, keep moving on. At least now you already know how I feel. You would know your limitations. And so I could do whatever I want. Now, my dear brother, I tell you, starting today, we'll live our lives separately and independently. Is that okay with you?" I asked him.

He looked at me desperately, as if he will refuse with my proposal. He shed more tears. I wiped it with my hands. I smiled. I still have this conscience that made me feel sorry. I thought I've changed but I still get weak. "No matter how stupid you are to enter that kind of relationship, I'd still be here to listen with your cries. Even if we will be taking chances on being apart, I won't forget that you're my brother. I promise," I said assumingly.

I know myself too much I wouldn't break any promise I say. He smiled in relief. I know he wanted to protest but he didn't let it out. That felt definitely great. Yet, inside the deepest part of my heart disagrees with that Tamaki. I still don't like him. But I realized, it's not me who loves him, it is my brother. I was so stupid not to think about that earlier. Yet I know I was blinded by pain.

"You sure?" he asked.

I nodded and smiled.

He hugged me so tight. The warmest hug I've ever got from him ever since we got apart. I felt so okay I smiled not knowing I just did. At last, I finally told him what is inside me. I hope this explains that he will get rid of that Tamaki when I'm around. Haha.

*END*


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